Thomas Was Alone Review

Title:  Thomas Was Alone
Maker:   Mike Bithell
System: Mac
Cost: Humble Indie Bundle 8

Feeling it for quadrilaterals

thomas was alone

I’ve been sitting on the Thomas Was Alone Review for awhile, because I’m not quite sure how I felt about the game.  Full disclosure: I read several reviews for TWA, and I remember everyone praising the music, the narrator, and the fact it brings personality to little colored rectangles.  And while that’s all true for awhile, pretty soon the narrator starts to grate ( I don’t know if you can call it self-importance, but he sure seems pretty proud of the job he’s doing), the music veers so hard into Explosions in the Sky that it’s shameless, and all you’re really left with from those first positive impressions, is the fact that you’re having feelings for these little rectangles.  But really, that’s quite an accomplishment.

Graphically it’s more than serviceable, because while it’s simple, it’s exactly what it needs to be, clean.  The platforming controls feel good, but the action itself isn’t all that satisfying.   Often the action breaks down into trial and error puzzle solving, instead of actual platforming.  However, this isn’t to take away what from what’s been created, as the platforming gracefully ties in the personalities and abilities of each specific block.  This gives more life to small quadrilaterals, than the characters that exist in games with budgets a hundred times larger.

Conclusion:  You have to pay tribute  for what’s been created.  Even if it’s not bringing gaming bliss, it’s laid out a pretty good road map for bringing any character to life.

Review: 3 Stars (Out of 5)

Memory:  The square that tries to drown herself

 


Joe Danger Touch Review

Title:  Joe Danger Touch
Maker:  Hello Games
System: iOS
Cost: Free for iTunes 5th Anniversary (Normally $2.99)

…Wait, what am I supposed to do again? 

Joe Danger Touch

The first thing I notice about Joe Danger is that the levels are perfectly short.  They tapped into the right attention spans for a mobile game.  The second thing I notice is that it’s boring.  Not as bad as some other iOS games I’ve been playing lately, but boring enough I wonder why this ever became a successful series.  Maybe it’s big brother counterparts do a better job of keeping you vested.

It’s not for lack of content.  For a mobile game this thing is pretty  huge, and trying to get perfect scores will require multiple replays.  But that’s the problem, monotonous memorization doesn’t make a game fun.  It rarely feels about execution.  Instead, you memorize the levels enough to mechanically swipe your way through.  There’s a point system here as well, but it’s buried deep.  I do hold out the faint hope that digging deep enough into the point system might make a rewarding experience in and of itself (like good ol’ Tony Hawk 2).

The best part of playing Joe Danger is that its micro levels make you wonder why no major publisher has done a Wario Ware ripoff for the iOS.  SquareEnix, you need some cash right?

Rating:  2 Stars (Out of 5)

Memory:  “Jooooe Danger!”


Peggle Review

Title:  Peggle
Maker:  Pop Cap
System: iOS
Cost: Free from App Store birthday

A name that’s the equivalent of not brushing your teeth

Yeah they also made PvZ somehow

Yeah they also made PvZ somehow

I knew nothing when i downloaded Peggle, but the first moments when you load the game, and that reassuring popcap logo comes up… ah yes, that’s a good sign. But all the good will from Plants vs Zombies can’t make me care about Peggle. A horribly drawn unicorn greets you, and as you advance through the levels more horribly drawn characters serve as your guide. Where’s the endearing art style? At least you could rest on that. But I can forgive generic graphics if the gameplay is captivating. The Xcom remake was pretty damn good despite it’s forgettable graphics. But this is where peggle stumbles. It’s not just generic, at best you can call it breakout mixed with patchinko, its just plain boring. I would stare at the icon on my phone, alone at an empty bus stop, but even then I could barely make myself open it. For a mobile app this is the kiss of death.

Rating:  1 Star (Out of 5)

Memory:  That fucking unicorn


Robot Unicorn Attack 2 Review

Title:  Robot Unicorn Attack 2
Maker:  Spiritonin Media Games
Publisher: Adult Swim
System: iOS
Cost: Free to Play

Everything Crystal

dash dash!

I still don’t fully understand why Adult Swim is publishing video games.  It’s cool, and I get that their target audience crosses over, but whenever I see it I’m always surprised that resources go to game publishing.  I remember the previews for the first RUA:  neon colors, intentionally ridiculous music, and still I never picked it up.  But on a whim I decided to download the sequel.  It’s a simple game but they make the smart decision to expand it by allowing you to unlock different play-styles as the game progresses. Graphically, it’s a combination of the minutely beautiful and broad ugliness, which really is very “Adult Swim”.  For a free to play its genuinely fun, even if another endless runner is redundant by this point in time.

Rating:  3 Stars (Out of 5)

Memory:  The theme song, of course


Ridiculous Fishing Review

Title:  Ridiculous Fishing – A Tale of Redemption
Maker:  Vlambeer
System: iOS
Cost: $2.99

Duck, Weave, and Reverse

The "Ridiculous" part of the title

The “Ridiculous” part of the title

I’ve written a little about the clever reversal of objectives that Ridiculous Fishing employs.  This alone makes it a solid title.  Throw in some charming graphics, a progression system that works (i.e. doesn’t require you to grind – the blight of iOS), and what’s left is a genuine classic. For Vlambeer, it’s a bit like striking gold.  It succeeds despite everything against it, and has propelled the company to the mainstream success it deserves (see the term “Vlambeered” to learn a bit more about their difficulties).

It’s a thin game that’s only going to buy you a few hours.  But all of it is enjoyable, and non of it is padding, so what else could you want from your phone?

Review: 4 stars (out of 5)

Memory:  The ending (there is one)


The Last of Us Review

Title:  The Last of Us
Maker:  Naughty Dog
Publisher: Sony
System: PS3
Cost: $59

Better than Cormac McCarthy

Last of Us Hotel Last of Us infected

It’s tough to begin talking about The Last of Us because you have to compare it to something, and the wasteland of humanity has been covered so many times in games.  So I’m not going to compare it against other games (that’s a post for another time), because The Last of Us draws it’s inspiration from other media, specifically, The Road for ambiance, and Children of Men for plot.  Both excellent in their own right, The Last of Us exceeds them.  It’s the best story I’ve ever read, watched, or experienced about the end of civilization.

So let’s jump into it.  The graphics are phenomenal and the combat tight.  In the ravaged world you run into two distinct enemies, the infected, and other survivors.  Both are challenging, and they require completely separate strategies, which helps to vary the combat.  But all of these positives pail in comparison to the writing.  It’s by miles the best dialogue I’ve ever encountered in a game.  You keep expecting some cliche movie (or worse, game) dialogue to slip out, but it never does.  It’s so far ahead of anything else, I can’t even think of what would be second.  On top of this the voice acting is superb, especially protagonists Joel and Ellie.

About the protagonists, have you ever played a game where you didn’t hate the character that you needed to protect?  Of course not, they’re a pain in the ass.  Except in this Ellie is phenomenal, and her personal growth drives you forward.  Joel is complicated yet simple (in his drive), and both come off as humans, neither good nor bad, in a way that games can almost never provide.  My biggest fear is that they churn out a sequel and destroy everything they’ve created here.

Minor things like a few annoying puzzles, and your companions near invisibility to enemies are not enough to break or ruin the experience.  This is a game that will be dissected and compared for years, a template for story-driven creations.

Review: 5 stars (out of 5)

Memory:  Too many to list


Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon Review

Title:  Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
Maker:  Ubisoft
System: PS3
Format: PSN
Cost: $15 DLC

Neon Snake

The year is 2007

The year is 2007

Guess what part you have to shoot

Guess where you should shoot

First, I never played Far Cry 3.  Not on principle or anything, just never got around to it.  So while I can’t be sure, Blood Dragon is what I imagine play-wise a mini-version would be like.  And as you probably already know the premise is to ooze 80’s ridiculousness, which works more often then not.  The cut-scenes nail it, while the in-game jokes are more hit or miss.  The “sound” is great, period (or colon):  voice acting works all around, and the soundtrack is pretty killer.  As testament, I let the intro screen run for about 20 minutes while I banged out some emails, and even though it loops about every 60 seconds I never had the urge to change it.

Gameplay is for the most part enjoyable, but also switches to autopilot after a certain point.  And while the premise of clearing out bases is genius, after 2 or 3 you can pretty much steam-roll the rest.  There are also minor things that grate, for example, “pilfering” has a ridiculously long animation.  Realistically, in terms of actual enjoyment you’ve got the story to go through, and an additional 3 hours of wandering the island before it runs out of steam.  It’s not a ton, but for a stand-alone DLC it’s more then enough.  It has rough edges, and the fact that it’s a DLC, and not a full game, becomes apparent.  Several times I had a problem with a loaded save sending me back about 15 minutes from when the game had “autosaved” last.

In the end though, Blood Dragon succeeds at pretty much everything it sets out to do.

Review: 3 stars (out of 5)

Memory:  The Dino-Riders influenced ending


Dishonored Review

Title:  Dishonored
Maker:  Arkane Studios
Publisher:  Bethesda
System: PS3
Cost: $23 Used

Probably not the most over-rated game ever

Ugly People, Inside and Out

Ugly People, Inside and Out

The game tries to pitch that creativity can help you overcome any obstacle, but in reality everything derives from two choices:  You can be an overpowered monster or a tip-toeing nobody.  In one you steamroll every obstacle, in the other you save-game your way through each tiny part because strangling someone is touchy as hell.  This leaves you with a black and white morality system where half of your possible experience becomes unbearable.

You could also make a case for character design being intentionally ugly as an art style (they do ugly things after all).  But the distortion is so far removed from anything human that you feel nothing as you slide your knife from one person to the next.  Even what could be considered “bosses” hardly cause pause before you choose to murder them.  It’s a shame because the world aesthetic is beautiful decay, filthy and colorful.  You can sense the prosperity lost.

There are also a few missions that periodically redeem the experience.  The twins and the dinner party stand out.  But then you’re back to swinging your sword around like a drunk mad-man, or dumping piles of unconscious guards into the same out of the way room.

When it works, it works beautifully.  It just doesn’t work often enough.  If you’re going to play it, then don’t hold back.  But even then, so what if you can use super powers to murder everyone?  There’s dozens of games that let you do that.

Review:  2 Stars (Out of 5)

Memory:  Branding a face

 


Deus Ex: Human Revolution Review

Title:  Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Maker:  Eidos Montreal
Publisher:  Square Enix
System: PS3
Cost: $23 Used

Visceral Yellow Polygons

Never Gets Old

Never Gets Old

Perhaps the only thing that really needs to be said is that it feels good.

It’s your play, more than your augmentations, that turn you into a killing machine by the end.  Movement is fluid, and sneaking, takedowns, and firing an extension of your hand.  The act of killing is visceral to the point that it remains uncomfortable.  Murdering someone, even at the end (especially at the end), has a moment of tension before the brutality.

And it does this all without a black and white morality system.  So it never feels like your being funneled down one play style or another (i.e. psychopath vs pacifist).  You might violently clear out one area and then sneak through the next, all determined by what seems appropriate at that moment.  Graphically it’s beautiful.  It looks better than every new release I’ve played recently.  The world is well fleshed out: augmentations, a detroit renaissance, dysutopic and enviable.

Not everything is perfect however.  The voice acting is on the wrong side of distracting.  The difficulty can be uneven, which leads to either frustration or disappointment.  And while the story is serviceable,  it’s mostly because of the journals you find laying around which expand on the original Deus Ex.  And yet all that would be fine if the endings were better…

So in the end I’m not sure if having the name Deus Ex in the title makes this game better or worse than it would be otherwise.  It’s hard to compare anything to original, but Human Revolution also benefits from the world it exists in.  Regardless, it’s up there with the best of this generation.

Review: 4 stars (out of 5)

Memory:  The yellow haze in the elevator


Punch Quest Review

Title:  Punch Quest
Maker: RocketCat Games
System: iOS
Cost: Free (and $3 for a must have upgrade if you like it)

The best five minutes of your lunch break

It’s been popular to rip on jet pack joyride for awhile now.  But pound for pound, it’s 99 cents provided my more fun than any other iPad game I’ve played.  It was arcade action, for someone who doesn’t typically like arcade games. But this isn’t about Jetpack, this is about Punch Quest.

I mention Jetpack, because a first instinct is that it plays very similar (if not unabashedly ripping it off).  And it’s true, on a base level of fast twitch reactions, there is a lot in common.  Yet for better or worse, Punch Quest is a deeper game with room left over for multiple play-styles.

Because it is free to play, the in-game currency holds much greater sway, as the in-game purchases actually have a tremendous effect on how the game plays.  This adds depth while sacrificing accessibility. And while it generally follows that the more expensive moves (there’s no going back once you get thunder punch) outmatch the earlier ones, this isn’t always the case.  In addition there are two distinct play styles that can be used:  one of run and gun (punch), and another of tactically moving forward with the use of block.

As great as the game is, it’s not without it’s problems.  Because of the way block is setup, it’s basically impossible to have a play style that combines fast gameplay with strategic blocking.  Either you choose a control scheme that makes it difficult to use (but preventing it’s accidental use), or one that is easy but will frustrate you by activating when you don’t want it.  Additionally, the art style is great, but it leaves you wanting more: more enemy types, more bonus levels, more variety of path types.

And finally the game currency is distorted.  Not fubar, but it does detract.  It’s a free game and need to make money, but even after buying the paid upgrade “punchos doubler” (a must if you like the game), it still takes a massive amount of time to buy even one “ultra” item, or unlock the Spartan Mode.

Punch Quest is the best iOS game I’ve played in the last six months.  It will undoubtedly (and unfairly) always remain in the shadow of Jet Pack Joyride, even though it’s a genuinely great game in it’s own right.

Review: 4 stars (our of 5)

Memory:  The first time you get to the laser raptor level.